Vrijdag 5 juni had ik het voor elkaar gekregen om naar de lezing Birthday van Lieve Blancquaert te gaan in Zutphen. Het is nogal een eindje bij mijn huisje vandaan : 2 uur met de trein.. Maar ik kon het gelukkig combineren en ik ben zoo blij dat ik dat heb gedaan!
De lezing Birthday gaat over de bevindingen van Lieve Blancqudert zelf. Zij is diegene die heeft vastgelegd in 9 verschillende landen en culturen hoe de eerste dagen na de geboorte ‘beleefd’ worden in deze culturen, verschillende leefomstandigheden. In de lezing deelde zij wat haar opviel en wat ik vooral heel bijzonder vond is de manier waarop ze vertelde. Heel bevlogen, verhalen vertellend. Je ging mee in haar wereld. Je keek door haar ogen. Je hoorde gruwelen met een tikje spot maar ook het oprechte besef dat je eigenlijk nooit kunt oordelen. Oordelen over hoe iemand anders het doet en waarom zij iets doen. Ik ga jullie proberen een stukje mee te geven van de fascinerende verhalen in dit blog:
We kwamen aan en toen zag ik Lieve al even zitten. Ik greep meteen mijn kans om haar een paar vragen te stellen. Mijn meest belangrijke vraag was:
Heb je tijdens het verslaan van deze bevallingen en de periode erna, voor ‘Birthday’, ook nog stilgestaan bij hoe het bij jou verging? En hoe kijk je daar nu tegen aan?
Ze vertelde me dat het wel heel lang geleden was. Maar dat ze eigenlijk minder vanuit angst de bevalling had willen beleven. Met angst bedoelde dat er dingen gebeurde die noodzakelijk leken op dat moment maar vooral vanuit een angst plichtmatig zo gaan. Ze had het over het ziekenhuis. En de regels. Eigenlijk zei ze: “Ik had meer de natuur zijn gang willen laten gaan”.
Toen ik haar vertelde dat ik bezig ben met een e-boek over hoe je jouw eigen kraamtijd op een relaxte kan plannen, zei ze: “Ja wij hebben echt geluk dat we hier geboren worden. In andere landen bestaat een kraamtijd niet eens. Ik heb vrouwen gezien die 3 uur na de bevalling gewoon staan te koken of op het land aan het werken zijn. We hebben echt geluk in het westen.”
En toen begon de lezing van Birthday.
De tentoonstelling Birthday van Lieve is trouwens nog steeds te zien in Zutphen tot 28 juni 2015. Ik zou er zeker heen gaan als ik jou was. Heel bijzonder om de beelden zo te zien.
Ze vertelde dat ze vanuit haar beroep als onderzoeksjournalist in Congo was. Waar per dag 800 vrouwen zwanger raken. Ze kwam terecht in een materniteit zoals ze dat noemt. Dat is een Belgische naam voor een geboortehuis. Ze vond het verassend om te merken dat tijdens en na de geboorte zij ineens zo’n onderdeel van de cultuur was! En deze van zo dichtbij kon verslaan en mee maken. Terwijl ze voorheen echt wel even de tijd moest nemen om een cultuur eigen te maken en niet meer toerist te zijn. Maar bij dit moment. Een geboorte. Was ze eigenlijk gelijk ‘binnen’. En kreeg ze meer inzichten in cultuur en het leven in de cultuur dan ze ooit eerder had meegemaakt. Van daaruit is haar idee ontstaan voor haar project Birthday.
Ze vertelde over Shanghai, waar er heel veel abortussen zijn op meisjes. Een vrouw heeft daar gemiddeld 6 abortussen in hun leven voordat zij een kindje baren. Ze mogen daar natuurlijk maar één kind per gezin en dat moet dan vaak een jongen zijn. Ook doen ze nog hun best om precies in het goede jaar ( jaar van de draak ) en op een bepaalde datum uitgerekend te raken.
Ze vertelde over Atlanta. Dat ze daar naartoe ging omdat daar de hoogst aantal tienermoeders zitten. Om uit te zoeken hoe dat dan kwam. Ze kwam erachter dat het een combinatie is van de kerk die pleit voor geen sex voor het huwelijk dus ook geen voorbehoedsmiddelen op zak hebben. En als de meisjes dan zwanger raken, de anti abortus beweging die daar zo enorm sterk is. Ze liet ons het schrijnende beeld zien van een jong meisje dat een kindje naast zich op een stapelbed had liggen. Een stapel bed in een van de opvanghuizen van de kerk speciaal voor tienermoeders..
Ook versloeg ze voor het project Birthday een geboorte in Marokko. Simpelweg omdat een buurvrouw haar overgehaald had. Ze moest het zien zei ze! Natuurlijk kennen we misschien het slachten van het schaap. Maar wist je ook dat pas 7 dagen na de geboorte het kindje een naam krijgt? En hoe dat komt? Omdat er nog een kans bestaat dat het kindje dood gaat. En dat alle familie leden een briefje met een naam in een pot doen. En die naam pas uitgesproken wordt op het moment dat het schaap gedood wordt? Dat dat waarschijnlijk ook de reden is dat er zoveel fathima’s en mohammed’s geboren worden. En dat de vrouwen tijdens zo’n geboorte ritueel helemaal met henna versiert worden en zo eigenlijk een wandelend geboorte kaartje zijn voor het nieuwe leven dat geboren is in hun familie.
Dan nog een Birthday in Cambodja. Hier is het belangrijk dat de moeder na de bevalling heel warm wordt gehouden. Met hete kolen onder het bed en dikke dekens. Maar ook dat er een soort medicijnman langs komt en komt zingen en rituelen met stokjes en stenen uitvoert in de hut. Zodat de voorouders niet binnen kunnen komen, want die staan allemaal op de stoep te trappelen om te komen kijken naar de baby. Waarom is dat dan slecht? Vroeg Lieve heel voorzichtig. De vrouwen lachten haar hard uit. Dat is toch logisch. Dan doet zo’n baby zijn ogen open en ziet het allemaal doden. Het kind gaat huilen, dagenlang. Dat hebben we meegemaakt. En dat wil je toch niet? Een kind dat alleen maar aan het huilen is? ( ik moest bij dit verhaal even aan Loes Ruesink denken in het interview over kinderfluisteren )
Ook bijzonder was Israël waar er plekken zijn dat joden en islamisten in het zelfde geboortehuis bevallen en gehaald worden door verloskundige van de andere religie. En dat de baby’s samen op een kamertje liggen te slapen. Hoe dat dus ook gebeurt naast de verschrikkelijke verhalen van de oorlog. En dat een moeder van 23 jaar al 16 kinderen had. Toen Lieve vroeg waarom. Voelde de moeder haar verontwaardiging die Lieve toch een beetje had proberen te verbergen. De vrouw werd vurig! Mijn moeder is de enige overlevende van de oorlog zei ze. En mijn vader ook van zijn familie. Mijn moeder zei altijd: “Kind, als jij de oorlog wilt winnen, moet je zoveel mogelijk kinderen baren.” Lieve leerde o.a. hier dat je geen oordeel kunt vellen over de keuzes van mensen. Een waardevol inzicht.
Nog passeerde de Birthday in de landen Koeweit en Nairobi, Rio, India en Brussel. Over Koeweit het surrealisme van een vrouw die helemaal opgemaakt na haar bevalling in haar koninklijke bed zat en met familie en vrienden thee dronk terwijl haar baby in een aparte kamer verzorgd werd door een ingehuurde dame. Als ze de baby wilde zien, bekeken ze die met een afstandsbediening op een tv. Tegenover Nairobi waar in een grote zaal moeders met baby’s of nog met een dikke buik vlak voor de bevalling samen liggen in een zaal met 130 vrouwen. Rio waar de meeste keizersnede zijn en waar arm en rijk zo naast elkaar leven. Waar pasgeboren baby’s in ziekenhuizen op een scherm gepresenteerd worden aan de familie leden. En ga zo maar door. Ergens halverwege haar verhaal wordt verteld dat er nog een half uur te gaan was. Ze moest het een beetje afronden. Ik vond het zoo jammer. Ik hing echt aan haar lippen. Ik wilde alle verhalen horen, en nog meer! Wat een kennis, wat een bijzondere verhalen. Wat een inzichten. En met wat een passie vertelde Lieve hierover! Echt geweldig.
Na dit project Birthday komt ook ergens volgend jaar haar project over bruiloften uit. Ook is ze nog bezig met een project omtrent het sterfte ritueel. Ik weet zeker dat ik volgende keer weer een lezing van haar wil bijwonen. Ik ben echt enorm fan.
Heb jij de expo of een aflevering op NPO of Lieve zelf gezien? Wat vind jij van haar project en wat vind je van de verhalen die je hier gelezen hebt? Laat het me weten in een reactie!
Volg me via bloglovin.nl of like m’n Facebook pagina: opvoedenzonderstress.nl
Geweldig project! Ik heb helaas niet alle afleveringen gezien maar vond het fantastisch. Mooi artikel is dit geworden. Gaaf dat jij erbij was. X
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