kindertolk Nadine Schartz vertelt

Ik sprak met Nadine Schartz van Innerheart op het Vrouw en Passie event afgelopen mei. Ze deelde met mij haar passie voor vrouwen en moeders. Ze vertelde dat ze o.a. ook kindertolk is. Ik was nieuwsgierig en besloot haar het hemd van het lijf te vragen :-) Lees mee.

kindertolk

“Ik wil mensen raken, maar niet zozeer omdat ik ze wil raken. Mijn missie is dat iedereen mag zijn wie hij/zij echt is. Zowel positief als negatief. Het lukt natuurlijk niet altijd, maar ik merk wel dat je goed bent zoals je nu bent en dat je niet iemand anders hoeft te zijn dan wie je bent.” Aldus Nadine Schartz.

Wie ben je?

Moeder. En ik ben gevoelig. Ik ben een vrouw, enthousiast, betrokken en nieuwsgierig. Grappig, maar ik word steeds meer mezelf merk ik, hoe gek dat ook klinkt. Het heeft ook met ouder worden te maken, denk ik. Het zijn al die maskers die eraf gaan. Die laagjes. Op dit moment ben ik weer wat meer moeder i.p.v. ondernemer. Mijn man zorgt voor de basis in geld en ik ben hier thuis. Ik heb de rust om mijn intuïtie te volgen.

Wie begeleid jij als kindertolk?

Dat gaat echt alle kanten op. Van babytjes tot kinderen die al het uit huis zijn. Maar ook qua zorg en problemen, gaat het alle kanten op. Poep-, plas-, slaap- en eetproblemen. Gedragsproblemen, communicatie , ontwikkelingsachterstanden. Boosheid of angst: emoties.

De rode draad is vooral moeders, soms ook vaders, die voelen dat het niet zo zwart-wit is. Kinderen die van uit school labels krijgen maar waarvan de ouders voelen dat het niet klopt.
Die bereid zijn om verder te zoeken of die zien dat het ook iets met hen te maken kan hebben. Bijvoorbeeld een kind dat niet alleen op zijn kamer durft te zijn. Of niet lekker slaapt. Of leerlabels die vanuit het onderwijs ontstaan bijv. bij hoogsensitiviteit.

Ik werk met de ouders, dus het kind is niet bij een sessie aanwezig. Het kan soms behoorlijk confronterend zijn om in de spiegel te kijken die je kind je voorhoudt.

Wat doe je precies als kindertolk?

Als kindertolk werk je volgens een methode die werkt met taal. Ik kijk naar alles wat de ouder(s) over het kind/de kinderen zeggen en de manier waarop de ouder het probleem benoemt. De vader zal hetzelfde kind bijvoorbeeld anders beschrijven dan de moeder. De methode heet officieel PresentChild en Janita Venema is de oermoeder. Zij heft ook een prachtig boek hierover geschreven. Het spiegelen is alom bekend en wordt ook gebruikt in bijvoorbeeld het bedrijfsleven en in relatie therapie. Als kindertolken werk je volgens de specifieke methode van Janita.
Wat ik doe? Een traject bestaat meestal uit twee sessies. De eerste is de intake. Aan de hand van diverse vragen vertelt de ouder over wat er aan de hand is met het kind. Bijv. wanneer is het begonnen, wat doet het kind, waar raakt het jou in, wat is jouw wens etc. Dat ik luister is vaak alleen al heel ruimtegevend; wanneer praat je nou 1,5 uur over je kind? Dan zijn er soms al kwartjes gevallen. Tijdens de tweede sessie komt ‘de vertaling’; ik vertaal het verhaal wat je over je kind vertelt naar jezelf toe. Niet meer, Pietje is boos en durft niet meer te slapen. Maar mama is boos en durft niet meer te slapen. Soms is het een onsamenhangend verhaal. Dan ga je symbolisch kijken. Waar staat die hond voor bijvoorbeeld waar je kind zo bang voor is? En dan ontstaat er een verhaal over de moeder (of vader) en wat er in haar leeft en gebeurt. We kijken waar het kind jou raakt en waar de spiegel zit. Vaak zie je dat een slaap probleem bijv., te maken heeft met het niet kunnen ontspannen en loslaten van de ouder. Kinderen zijn heel trouw aan het systeem waar ze afhankelijk van zijn. Bijvoorbeeld als mama ergens bang voor is, ook al zegt ze het niet, is het kind zo loyaal dat het kind daar ook bang voor is.

Heb je een voorbeeld in je praktijk als kindertolk?

Er was een moeder. En haar zoontje was heel gefascineerd door gezond eten en heel perfectionistisch in alles goed doen.
 Als spiegelend kwamen we op het gesprek over: Wat wil jij zo goed doen en waar ben jij heel perfect in? Wordt het leven niet leuker als je wat meer loslaat? Toen kwamen we uit bij de jeugd van moeder en iets wat ze daar had meegemaakt waardoor ze zo perfectionistisch was geworden. Twee weken later belde ik haar op. “Hoe is het nu?” Heel ontspannen. We houden pyama ochtenden en bakken pannekoeken. Hij is echt een stuk meer ontspannen!

Of bijvoorbeeld een ander gezin waarbij een jongetje andere kinderen fysiek pijn deed. Alleen als moeder aandacht gaf, dan niet. Bleek dat moeder in haar verleden een ervaring had gehad met haar oudere broer waar hij haar fysiek pijn had gedaan! En dit had ze nooit met hem zo uitgesproken. Moeder had nooit gedacht dat het met elkaar te maken zou kunnen hebben. Toen is zij dat gaan helen en daarna is het slaan opgehouden. Dat was een eyeopener voor haar.

Nog een simpeler voorbeeld: Moeder heeft moeite met een kind dat heel egoistisch is. En geen rekening houdt met anderen. We kwamen bij de vraag: Ben jij ook egoistisch of mag jij misschien wat meer egoistisch zijn? Moeder kon hier niets mee, totdat ik de volgende vraag stelde:  Wat is dan een mildere vorm van egoisme? Waarvoor is egoïsme goed? Nou, je zorgt goed voor jezelf! antwoorde moeder. En mag jij misschien wat meer voor jezelf zorgen? Aha, ja, die raakt wel. Daar zit wat in.

Dus je ziet dat die spiegel ook een overtreffende trap kan zijn. Een kind reageert op wat er voorgeleefd wordt. Of juist verborgen wordt.

Als er bijvoorbeeld heel veel angst in een ouder zit.  Dan neemt een kind de angst over. Terwijl het kind zelf niet eens weet waarvoor precies

Heb jij zelf ook dit soort dingen mee gemaakt?

Ja zeker, ik had een zoontje dat elke dag niet naar school wilde. Ik vond het verschikkelijk en mijn man had meer zoiets van : ‘Oh dat had ik ook.’. Dus het raakte mij duidelijk veel meer. Vervolgens vroeg ik mij af wat is hier aan de hand? En toen realiseerde ik me dat ik die school eigenlijk niet zo’n fijne school vond, dat ik liever een andere school zou hebben voor mijn zoon. BINGO! Hoe kan hij nou fijn naar school gaan als ik die school bekritiseer en afkeur? Toen ben ik het gaan onderzoeken voor mezelf en kwam uiteindelijk tot de conclusie: Deze school is prima voor hem! En vanf die dag heb ik hem niet meer horen klagen!

Wat ik er als ouder zo mooi aan vind, is dat deze methode mij een heel mooi handvat geeft om mijn kind minder te belasten met mijn ‘sores’!

kindertolk“Ieder kind heeft zijn eigen thema’s die hij/zij op mag lossen, is mijn visie. Maar wat hebben onze kinderen eraan als ze ook nog onze sores erbij krijgen?”

Adhd bijvoorbeeld. Kinderen die zich slecht kunnen concentreren. Vaak merk ik dat ouders van deze kinderen ook hele drukke agenda’s hebben. En als ik dan de vraag stel: Focus jij je wel op datgene wat echt belangrijk is? Ze dit wel aan het denken zet.  Veel volwassenen zijn niet echt in balans als het gaat om hoofd en gevoel in hun leven. En daarom zijn er ‘opeens’ zoveel sensitieve, gevoelige kinderen. Ze nodigen ons uit ons eigen gevoel weer een grotere rol te geven in het alledaagse!

In mijn ogen zijn kinderen perfect zoals ze zijn. Ze zijn hondstrouw aan het systeem waar ze afhankelijk van zijn en reageren op de disbalans in dit systeem. Als die disbalans wordt opgeheven hoeven zij die last niet meer te dragen!

Enorm bedankt Nadia! Voor jouw tijd. En kennis op het gebied van kindertolk zijn. Ik vind het leerrijk en interessant om te bekijken waarin ik (en mijn sores :-) ) nog van invloed ben op het gedrag van mijn kinderen op dit moment. :-) En mocht je nog meer willen weten over Nadine en wat zij allemaal doet. Dan kun je ook even haar site Innerheart.nl bekijken!

<Ik heb nog meer kennis van je mogen ontvangen over ‘het medicijn wiel’ en ook nog een goede tip. Deze en meer kun je lezen in deel twee van dit interview. Volgende week komt die online..>

Wat vind jij van het fenomeen kindertolk? Kan je jezelf hierin vinden? Sta je er open voor om te kijken hoeveel jouw strubbelingen hedendaags invloed hebben op het gedrag van jouw kinderen? En hoe ver wil je daarin gaan? Heb je wat gehad aan de praktijkvoorbeelden van Nadia? Inzichten? Ik ben benieuwd! Laat het ons weten in de reacties hieronder.

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