Je kind is je spiegel #1

Ja, je kind is je spiegel. Tenminste zo zie ik het.
Vandaag een nieuwe rubriek. Ik kreeg feedback over m’n site. Leuk en confronterend natuurlijk. Onder andere dat ik meer zou mogen schrijven specifiek over opvoeden. Ik ben trots trouwens hoor! Nu 3000 unieke bezoekers gemiddeld per maand. En de feedback was ook heel lovend.

Spiegel

Maar goed, een nieuwe rubriek dus: positief opvoeden. Het is geen cursus of bestudeerd onderwerp. Het is puur wat ik zelf heb ervaren en wat ik persoonlijk uit inzichten haal door bepaalde situaties of bijv. trainingen of cursussen die ik gevolgd heb.

Ik vind het spannend en te gelijkertijd leuk om met jullie te delen hoe ik vind dat je positief kunt opvoeden. Dus denk er vooral aan dat dit mijn persoonlijke mening is. En dat je het hier dus niet altijd mee eens hoeft te zijn. Ik hoor dan ook graag in de reacties hier beneden wat jullie vinden of hoe jullie bepaalde dingen ervaren! Ik ben benieuwd!

Spiegel
Spiegel

Vandaag wil ik het hebben over je kind als spiegel van jezelf. Eigenlijk geloof ik dat alles wat je tegen komt in je leven een spiegel is van jezelf. Situaties, mensen, je partner, wat je terug krijgt van je familie en ook dus van je kinderen. Ik vind het zelf een gevoelig onderwerp, want dat zou betekenen dat we lang niet zo perfect zijn als we graag doen denken. Of laat ik het bij mezelf houden. Ik dus. En ik ben graag perfect. Niet bewust, maar onbewust zeker wel. Ik zou graag een perfecte moeder zijn die elke dag alles perfect in handen heeft en alles perfect heeft geregeld. Hoewel ik heel bewust weet dat ’t natuurlijk onmogelijk is en daardoor ook wel weer een bepaalde rust erin ervaar. Maar als dingen mis gaan en ik kijk naar mijn reacties of de kern van de oorzaak van mijn reacties; Dan is die toch vaak te herleiden naar dat ik iets ‘goed’ had willen doen of dat ik wilde dat het ‘beter’ ging.

Maar goed, ik dwaal wat af merk ik. Waar ik over wilde schrijven is spiegels: Je kind is je spiegel.
Ik vind dat kinderen een spiegel zijn van jouzelf, hebben jullie dat ook gemerkt?

Spiegel
Compliment

Afgelopen maandag kregen wij een compliment over onze dochter. Een moeder vond dat m’n dochter dingen heel goed oppakte, als het niet ging op de manier zoals ze eigenlijk had gewild. Ze zocht mooi naar een oplossing vond deze moeder. Ik vertelde dat dit typisch mijn man is. En dat ik hier ook wel bewust mee bezig ben. Maar mijn man ‘traint’ onze dochter bewust in het breder denken als iets ‘mis’ of ‘anders’ gaat. Hij zegt dan: “Niet huilen, dat heeft zowiezo geen zin. Dat veranderd niks aan de situatie.” Even daargelaten dat ze best mag huilen hoor af en toe ( meer van mij dan van mijn man overigens, haha). Maar dat het dus niet het einde van de wereld is, terwijl dat soms wel zo lijkt natuurlijk. En dat er altijd manieren zijn om er toch nog iets leuks van te maken! Mister positive, die man van mij ;-).

SpiegelMister positive
Maar goed, wij proberen daar ook het goede voorbeeld van te zijn. Tenminste, laat ik voor mijzelf spreken, ík probeer. Mijn man is gewoon zo. Hij is motivator pur sang! (Geen geintje) Het kunnen de vele ontwikkelingstrainingen zijn, maar het is ook zeker zijn karakter. Gezamenlijk hebben we het hier ook over. Dat we dit willen meegeven aan onze kinderen. Des te leuker is het dan natuurlijk om het dan zo terug te krijgen!
Hij zegt altijd tegen onze dochter (en zoon maar dan anders natuurlijk, want die is minder verbaal bezig dus dan doen we het meer): “Waar een wil is, is een weg!” En zo past hij die zin toe in elke situatie. En geeft hij zo praktijk voorbeelden hoe je met wilskracht een situatie kan veranderen.

SpiegelVerandering begint bij jezelf
Maar wat ik vooral probeer te zeggen is, als wij dat niet zelf ook deden. Maar bijv. bij de pakken neer gingen zitten als iets niet gaat zoals we willen of gewoon lui niet naar onze problemen oftewel uitdagingen willen kijken, dan kunnen we dat ook niet verwachten of leren aan onze kinderen in de kleine probleempjes waar zij tegen aanlopen. Bijv. een ander kindje wil niet spelen wat jij wilt spelen. Of als ze nog kleiner zijn: iets lukt niet om het zelf te doen of gaat niet snel genoeg.

SpiegelIk ben dan ook zelf iemand die naar mezelf kijkt als een situatie ‘verkeerd’ loopt in het opvoeden. Stressvolle situaties of veel huilen van de kids? Wat gebeurt er precies? Had ik dingen anders kunnen doen? ( vaak wel hoor!) Ligt het aan de manier waarop wij dingen doen of kunnen wij de situatie anders creëren? (bijvoorbeeld meer tijd nemen bij het naar school brengen of eten aan tafel)

 

En ik probeer ook altijd heel bewust en eerlijk te zijn naar mijzelf. Als ik een confrontatie heb gehad met m’n kids. Ben ik gestrest en reageer ik daarom bozer of geïrriteerde dan nodig? Of moesten zij gewoon echt even iets leren? Pas op de plaats. Het brengt mij veel om hier bewust mee om te gaan. En het zorgt in mijn geval zeker voor een positieve opvoeding of stressvrije opvoeding.

Zoals m’n man ook altijd zegt:

“Als je er bewust van bent, is dat de eerste stap naar verandering!”

Nou, ik ben heel erg benieuwd naar jullie ervaringen hiermee en reacties! Ben jij hier ook bewust mee bezig? En op welke manier dan? Of sta je hier eigenlijk te weinig bij stil, vind je zelf?

evazwart

Wil je deze site nou makkelijk volgen en op de hoogte blijven van de geplaatste posts? Volg de site dan via bloglovin.nl!

Of neem een kijkje op de facebookpagina: opvoedenzonderstress.nl. En als je het leuk vind, geef me jou duimpje :-)

501 gedachten over “Je kind is je spiegel #1

  1. zomersproetje

    Onze dochter is (pas) 11 maanden maar ik ben daar ook al bewust mee bezig. Ik wil dat ze zo weinig mogelijk stress hoeft te ervaren en een positieve leefomgeving creëren. Van ons krijgt ze veel ruimte om alles te zien en te ontdekken. Ik ben het er zeker met jou eens dat je kind jou spiegel is! Mooi artikel.

  2. Henny

    Ik probeer het wel. Ik vind het soms confronterend als ik mijn kinderen in hun spel iets hoor zeggen wat ik altijd zeg of doe. Dan houden ze me wel even weer een spiegel voor. Ik probeer soms ook terug te kijken, hoe had ik het anders kunnen doen? Soms lukt het me om te verbeteren, maar soms ook niet. Maar je hebt het mooi verwoord.

  3. Nicole

    Ik ben me er heel erg bewust van, daarom ben ik er ook bang voor.. Mijn angst is dat mijn dochter net zo onzeker over zichzelf gaat worden als ik. Maar ik hoop dat ze dan meer op mijn man gaat lijken. Mister power zelf!

  4. EvaVisser Bericht auteur

    Ja Henny, ik heb dat ook hoor. Soms lukt het wel, soms niet. Maar ik blijf me bewust van mijzelf. En ik weet dat omdat ik het beste met hen voor heb. En ik de intentie heb om me te verbeteren, ik het zowiezo ‘goed’ doe. Jij dus ook!!! Liefs,

  5. EvaVisser Bericht auteur

    Haha, fijn he zo’n man! Ja, ik snap je angst. Mooi ook om hem voor haar te overwinnen en te gaan geloven in jezelf. Je man zal waarschijnlijk beamen dat je vast niet onzeker hoeft te zijn en een prachtig mens bent! Liefs,

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